La Fraternite du Bondage Gastronomique's Special Events

"Bound to Eat!"

Walkabond

Every summer we spend one Saturday making a loop through Portland's five quadrants, stopping to graze at least once per quadrant. It's all day and all on foot. The first Walkabond - 1995 or 96 - was a simple affair, covering only four quadrants (who knew NoPo had good eats?) and taking just eight hours or so. Wimps that we were, we didn't even attempt a real circuit. Starting in NE, we finished in NW, where we'd parked a car for our return. In our second year, we made a complete circuit, beginning and ending in NW. We added North Portland for Walkabond III or IV. We start walking about 8:30 am and get done around 11 pm. After that, it's time for pizza (Escape from New York), dessert (Papa Haydn), and a movie at one of our homes. Everything's over by 1 or 2 the following morning. And we're thoroughly bonded. Maybe even epoxied.

7/8/17 - Itinerary (17 stops)*: Byways Cafe (NW); Nuvrei (NW); Pearl Bakery (NW); Cupcake Jones (NW) Broder Nord (N); Widmer Gasthaus (N); People's Pig (N); Petisco (NE); Pastaworks @ Providore Market (NE); Slowburger (NE); Luce (SE); Danwei Canting (SE); Huber's (SW); Sushi Sakura (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Escape from New York (NW); Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Saturday Night Live: Season 1, Episode 1 (1975). * Once again one of us missed four of five quadrants, rejoining us for pizza, etc. No word on no plans to not have a bylaw regarding this issue.

7/16/16 - Itinerary (17 stops)*: Byways Cafe (NW); Nuvrei (NW); Broder Nord (N); Por Que No (N); Verde Cocina (N); Fly Awake Tea Garden (N); Little Big Burger (N); Life of Pie (NE); Petisco (NE); Blackbird Pizzeria (SE); Sandoval's Tequila Grill (SE); Sensei Sushi (SW); Huber's (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe (NW); Escape from New York (NW); Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Saturday Night Live: Season 3 (1977). * Once again one of us missed four of five quadrants, rejoining us for pizza, etc. No word on no plans to not have a bylaw regarding this issue.

7/11/15 - Itinerary (11 stops)*: Byways Cafe (NW); Pearl Bakery (NW); Broder Nord (N); EaT (N); Life of Pie (N); Petisco (NE); Sunee (SE); Thirsty Lion (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Escape from New York (NW); Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Brother from Another Planet. * One of us chose merely to put in an appearance, joining us for just one quadrant and resurfacing in time for pizza, dessert, and the movie. We plan to not have a bylaw addressing this issue.

7/12/14 - Itinerary (18 stops)*: Byways Cafe (NW); Nuvrei Pastries and Cafe (NW); Lovejoy Bakery (NW); Little Big Burger (N); Kenny & Zuke's (N); EaT (N); Petisco (NE); Tails & Trotters (NE); Slowburger (NE); Uno Mas (NE); Pambiche (NE); Wild Abandon (SE); Taqueria Nueve (SE); Huber's (SW); Sushi Sakura (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Papa Haydn (NW); Escape from New York (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Repo Man. * One of us was forced to drop out for medical reasons after EaT. According to the bylaws we don't have, 2014 still counts as an official, if not entirely successful, Walkabond.

7/13/13 - Itinerary (16 stops): Byways Cafe (NW); Nuvrei Patries and Cafe (NW); Lovejoy Bakery (NW); Muddy's (NE); Meet (NE)*; Fuel (NE); Hana Japanese Bistro (NE); Luce (SE); Crush (SE); Huber's (SW); Heathman Hotel (SW); Racion (SW); Lardo (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Papa Haydn (NW); Escape from New York (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Airplane! * It's a cart, but it counts.

7/7/12 - Itinerary (22 stops): Pearl Bakery (NW); Fuller's (NW); Isabel (NW); Cupcake Jones (NW); Widmer Gasthaus (N); Muddy's (N); Por Que No (N); EaT (N); Tasty n Sons (N); What's the Scoop (N); Urban Wine Works (NE); Petisco (NE); Pambiche (NE); Tapalaya (NE); Accanto (SE); Wild Abandon (SE); Huber's (SW); Sushi Sakura (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe (NW); Escape from New York (NW); Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: The Big Lebowski.

7/16/11 - Itinerary (16 stops): Byways Cafe (NW); Cupcake Jones (NW); Pearl Bakery (NW); Widmer Gasthaus (N); Muddy's (N); Little Big Burger (N); Mee Sen (N); Tasty n Sons (N); Pambiche (NE); Navarre (NE); Crema (SE); Wild Abandon (SE); Sushi Sakura (SW); Cassidy's (SW); Escape from New York (NW); Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Best in Show.

7/17/10 - Itinerary (21 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Pearl Bakery (NW), Muddy's (N), The Meadow (N), Cup & Saucer (N), Equinox (N), EaT (N), Tasty n Sons (N), Ned Ludd (NE), Free House (NE), Petisco (NE), Pambiche (NE), Navarre (NE), Accanto (SE), Wild Abandon (SE), La Calaca Comelona (SE), Huber's (SW), Cassidy's (SW), Moonstruck Chocolate Cafe (NW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: I Love You, Alice B. Toklas.

7/11/09 - Itinerary (20 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Pearl Bakery (NW), Nuvrei Kitchen (NW), Cupcake Jones (NW), Sip & Kranz (NW), Widmer Brothers Gasthaus (N), Laughing Planet (N), Casa Naranja (N), Radio Room (NE), Petisco (NE), Rose & Thistle (NE), Pambiche (NE), Wine Down (NE), Esparza's (SE), Wild Abandon (SE), Tiger's Cafe (SE), Huber's (SW), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Neighbors.

7/19/08 - Itinerary (17 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Pearl Bakery (NW), John's Cafe (NW), Widmer Brothers Gasthaus (N), Mississippi Station (N), Tita's Filipino Fare (N), Bye and Bye (NE), Halo Thai (NE), Tour de Crepes (NE), Pambiche (NE), Wine Down (NE), Noble Rot (SE), Wild Abandon (SE), Nostrana (SE), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Men in Black.

7/21/07 - Itinerary (17 stops): Noah's Bagels (NW), Manzana (NW), Widmer Brothers Gasthaus (N), Russell St. Bar.B.Que (NE), Echo (NE), Yuki (NE), Segafredo Zanetti (NE), Pambiche (NE), Staccato Gelato (NE), Wine Down (NE), Navarre (NE), Taqueria Nueve (NE), Nuestra Cocina (SE), Riyadh (SE), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Borat.

7/15/06 - Itinerary (17 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Bridgeport Bakery (NW), Via Delizia (NW), Widmer Brothers Gasthaus (N), Lorenzo's (N), Grand Central Bakery (N), Echo (NE), Rose & Thistle (NE), Pambiche (NE), Wine Down (NE), Wild Abandon (SE), Vincente's (SE), Ken's Place (SE), Veritable Quandary (SW), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Official Walkabond movie: Network.

7/16/05 - Itinerary (13 stops): Rose's Deli (NW), Three Lions Deli (SW), Virginia Cafe (SW), Veritable Quandary (SW), Vincente's (SE), Pied Cow (SE), Pambiche (NE), Staccato Gelato (NE), Navarre (NE), 820/Mint (N), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW). Semiofficial (we're not sure of the year) Walkabond movie: All the President's Men.

7/17/04 - Itinerary (14 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Pearl Bakery (NW), Widmer Brewery (N), Russell St. BBQ (NE), Blowfish (NE), Costello's Travel Cafe (NE), Pambiche (NE), Wine Down (NE), Bangkok Kitchen (SE), Wild Abandon (SE), Karam (SW), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW).

7/19/03 - Itinerary (14 stops): Byways Cafe (NW), Widmer Brewery (N), Purple Parlor (N), Noodlehead (NE), Pambiche (NE), Staccato Gelato (NE), Wine Down (NE), Wild Abandon (SE), Ken's Place (SE), Riyadh's (SE), Veritable Quandary (SW), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW).

7/27/02 - Itinerary (10 stops): Fuller's (NW), Purple Parlor (N), Torrefazione Italia (NE), Pambiche (NE), Hoda's (SE), Bridgeport Ale House (SE), Wild Abandon (SE), Cassidy's (SW), Escape from New York (NW), Papa Haydn (NW).

***We're looking for corporate sponsorship for Walkabond. Imagine us coming into your restaurant (or someone else's) with your logo on our shirts/hats/eyepatches. If you're interested, contact FBG's Minister of Information, Steve Teich, at 503.284.6769 or sjteich@gmail.com.

Genabond

December means it's time for dining at Genoa, our favorite restaurant. As soon as we win the lottery (and we will, because, unlike others, we play it for investment purposes), we'll make it monthly. Or we would have. Genoa closed its doors in November 2008.

But wait! Genoa reopened in December 2009, so we're still on track for monthly visits.

The date of Genabond I is lost in the mists of time (1994/5/6), but over the years it's become an official tradition. Traditions are important; having them proves we're sensitive. And hip.

But wait again! Genoa closed in April 2014. We're bummed, of course, but Genabond will continue. Tradition must not be sacrificed to a mere technicality. (See our review for 12/3/13, explaining why we can have Genabondage sans Genoa. And note that our reasoning preceded Genoa's demise, meaning it cannot be dismissed simply as a cheap or hasty rationale.)

Electabond

For November bondage in even-numbered years, we suck down mass quantities of Escape from New York pizza (every other Portland version - excepting Apizza Scholls's - we've encountered is merely pizza-like substance) and watch the returns. Electabond I took place in 1996.

Stanabond

In April we take along our deceased acquaintance, Stan. He wanted to bond with us when he was alive, so it's the least we can do. Stan first accompanied us in 2003.

Bondage by the Bay

In September 2007 we took a four-day trip to San Francisco. Our primary purpose was to eat. A lot. And often. Our secondary purpose was to eat some more. The official, unabridged account of our first out-of-state bondage will leave you (insert your own adjective after reading it).

Bondage by the Coast

We spent three days at the northern Oregon coast in October 2010. Be assured that we didn't return hungry. The official, authorized, unabridged, unexpurgated, unbowdlerized account provides enlightenment.

Vancouver, British Columbia, Bondage

October 2016 witnessed our first international bondage. And Canada still hasn't declared war on America. The official, unabridged, unadulterated, gluten-free, non-GMO, handcrafted, exquisitely curated account offers HUGE political insight in addition to TREMENDOUS reportage.


 

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Send praise (lavish), suggestions (helpful) or comments (thoughtful) to sjteich@gmail.com. Criticism (we're beyond it) or reproach (we're above it) should be directed to heckuvajobbrownie@fema.gov. Please put "Bondage" or, if you're the shy type, "Boundtoeat" in the subject line.